August 3rd 2012--
Well, today is officially the first day for my writing down of my thoughts and talking about my feelings. I'm going to see my counsler on Saturday.. so I'll post about that when i get done with talking with her. I'm really looking forward to talking to her. So anyway, about my quote on quote "feelings". I haven't really been thinking about much.. what am i kidding.. of course i have been. I've been thinking about what my life really means to me.. and what i haven't been doing about it. One of my "problems" that I have is not having any self esteem or self worth. Everybody tells me otherwise that I'm beautiful and that I'm a good girl. But then what i do is compare my self with others and wonder whats wrong with me to make others bully me. I have a really hard time in school with peers my age and older kids teasing me. It's not like I'm stupid or don't try in school.. I'm the top in my class and have a 4.0. (BTW I'm a current sophomore) and so i always get teased for wanting to get the right answer or when i do good at something everyone teases me because they all know that of course Madison did good. She always does good. So i don't have a lot of friends, the girls and the guys don't like me and when I find a friend, they usually don't stay around for long because they get associated with hanging out with me and that makes them not cool as well. My school only has 300 kids in the whole high school so everyone knows everyone and that puts me at the very bottom of the food chain. I don't get invited to anything that my friends go and do. And on top of that I have super strict parents that make school even worse when i come to school and talk about what happens at home or what i can't do in school because of them. So yeah.. that's all i got for today.. Later :)
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